Monday, March 16, 2009

Dead Mans Shoes is a film directed by Shane Meadows and his lack of neck. It stars Paddy Considine, Toby Kebell And Gary Stretch. As like most of Meadows movies its based in the english midlands as this is where he grew up.

The most noticeable element of the film is that it was all shot on one camera, and has a very "independent" quality to it, adding atmosphere to the storyline of the movie.


The movie dead man's shoes begins extremely mysterious as we see two men walking through a field in Englands Mid-Lands. The camera flicks from this shot to black and white homemovies of children playing. They soon arrive at what appears to be an un-populated rural village.

We soon learn they are Richard (Paddy Considine), an ex-officer from the English army and his much-loved younger brother, Anthony (Toby Kebbell), who is mentaly handicaped . As they move through the village, a series of flashbacks in grainy sepia and black and white begins, gradually revealing what happened some years before to Anthony.

Richard Begins to talk about sin and punishment and how the world is a very unfair place. In a pub, Richard encounters a young drug dealer and they seem to recognise each other. The pusher goes to his associates, a snakey group led by the vicious Sonny (Gary Stretch), to report his arrival. They feel threatened, for good reason. During a drunken, drug-fuelled spree seven years before, they had abused and humiliated Anthony. They are not what a man would call "the worst people in the world", But what they had done will remain in richards mind forever.

At first, The film turns into a mockery of richards predators. Richard ,dressed in a gas mask that gives him the look (so the drug dealer thinks) of an elephant. He gos upstairs,recks their room, paints their hair and faces,steals a large amount of cocaine and flees. After that, things get steadily more violent, escalating towards a climax in which past meets present.

The Acting in the movie is very "real life", as Richard, there's another striking performance by Paddy Considine, who co-scripted the picture with Meadows. After making his feature debut in Meadows's A Room for Romeo Brass, Considine has appeared in Pawel Pawlikowski's The Last Resort, Michael Winterbottom's 24 Hour Party People and Jim Sheridan's In America. He's Put himself down as one of the best british actors of today,and although not noticed in many films,You will be sure to see considine in some more in the near future.

Overall dead mans shoes is a brilliant and gripping film focusing on the once culture of british gangs and what they realy will do for drugs and violence. Equipped with considine and a fucking unbelievable performance by Toby kebell it will remain one the of the best films ive seen in a long while. The twists and turns at the end of the movie when Richard confronts the last gang member and extracts all the facts of Anthonys past from him, Is truely epic and altho meadows has no neck, I would give this film 9/10.


Acting: 10/10

Screenplay: 8/10

Cinematography: 9/10

Direction: 10/10

Lack of Neck: 0/10

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Top 10 Film's Of All Time

Im Gonna Do This As A Countdown.

10. Halloween: Best horror ever made...Flesh Shredding Serial Killer?..Genius..

Favourite Quote: "Was That The Shape?Yes..Yes It Was"

9. Evil Dead: One Of Sam Raimis First Movies,Now Considered A Horror Classic And Made Bruce Campbell The Hero He Is Today..Based On Books From The Dead And A Woman Getting Raped By A Tree..Who Could Ask For Anymore?

Favourite Quote: "Soon all of you will be like me... And then who will lock you up in a cellar?"

8. American Psycho: Christian Bale As A Psychotic Businessman Known Only As Patrick Bateman,God This Movie Had Me At The Edge of My Seat The Whole Way Through And Supplys Some Fucking Great Laughs!

Favourite Quote: "Hey Paul!"

7. Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas: Johnny Depp And Benicio De Toro As Raoul Duke And Dr.Gonzo...By Far The Funnyest Film Ive Ever Seen..In My Opinion The Only Comedy That Deserves An Oscar..Also Made Me Fairly Queasy To Watch Ha.


Favourite Quote: "Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow."

6. Slumdog Millionaire: One Word...Epic

Favourite Quote: "Who Wunts To Bu A Mullunaire"

5. Che Pt 1. Yep I No A New Movie,But Easily Landed Itself In My Top 10..Its A Masterpiece And Del Toro Deserves Some Major Awards For It!.

Favourite Quote: "Everything we thought and felt in that past period ought to be deposited in an archive, and a new type of human being created."

4. The Wrestler. Again Another New Movie,But One Of The Best Movies Ive Ever Seen..And It Will Remain In My Top 10 For A Very Long Time.

Favourite Quote: "Im just a broken down piece of meat,I just dont want you to hate me."

3. One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest: By Far One Of The Best Movies Ive Ever Seen,Jack Nicholson Plays Randal.P.McMurphy,A Man Who Puts Himself Into A Psychiatric Ward Cas Its Better Than Jail..A Must Watch for Any Movie Fan!.

Favourite Quote: "That Nurse Ratchet...Nurse Ratchet?..PUT ON THE FUCKING BASEBALL GAME!"


2. Pulp Fiction: Tarantinos Masterpiece..Rob Told me bout it ages ago..never thought much until i saw it 1st..Think ive watched it about 20 more times since..Overall definately deserves the 2nd best movie ive ever seen!.

Favourite Quote: "Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."

1. Stanley Kubricks A Clockwork Orange: So yep,By far the greatest film ive ever seen,No Doubht About It..Everything About It Is Fucking Epic And I Dont No Any Film Thats Better..So Yeah Thats My Number 1 Spot.

Favourite Quote: " Rape,Drugs,Ultraviolence...And Beethoven."





Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Cunt,Walnut Whips And Some Rather Tasty Yogurt..

Good morning fuckers,its a beutiful day outside..The rain is only about 65 inches today:)

Last night at around half 1 in the morning i was just going to sleep and i noticed a bible in the kitchen..and no before you think im gone all holy on this shit..It was the satanic bible..Fucking great read,Who ever would have thought the devils penis was a raging 34 inches?..

Sick Sick agony fills the room..men in black chlothes enter my house,but wheres aunt agnus?..I dont no..Oh wait their she is..turned inside out hanging from the chlothes line.

Eating coins has become a huge teenage craze..Member people used go around wearing them bands on their hands?...Like jesus christ,i have a "Livestrong" band on my hand i now support testicular cancer..What a load of ballcock,ive had diabetis for the past 4 years and wheres my fucking band?.
Anyway back to eating coins..i was down in paul street the other day and i saw a group of people gathered in the corner..they told me they were doing the new drug "Coin"...u simply douse a 10 cent piece in sum watered down cocaine and u eat it..High as a kite singing The Bee Gees in no time..


Im sick of this..Im sick of reading on the newspaper how a man had been murdered in dublin...i murdered my dog,sold his intestines to the english market and why the fuck arnt i on the newspaper?..Spastics..

Ile leave yee with this quote...



I won an Oscar

--Oscar from Sesame Street



God Bless..


Ma-Hoe-Knee

Monday, January 12, 2009

A Week of Painful Surprises And Some Nice Sherbert Sweets.

Evening idiots,the elderly..And the man with downsyndrome down the back.
I Recently began spitting blood,im joining the circus to pursue my career as a human river.
Anyway,Lifes good at the minute,picked myself up from abit of a bad 2 weeks but none the less..ile be back watching corrie in no time.
My father recently joined the ku klux klan and now returns from the pub in a white robe chanting hym's from the 2nd testament..life is fucking good.
Schools gone to the dogs,my science teacher is pregnant..my geography teacher is gone and my principal is currently eduring in a project to become a nobel knight to fight against barack obamas troops of the inagrual race.
Ever notice barack obama is black? I wonder will they change the name of the "whitehouse" to the "blackhouse"..Or actualy in a black mans case..They should rename it to "The Slaves Cell" or something more of the african culture..I bet in no time thier will be black midgets selling cashew nuts at the door of the oval office.

Anyway less of the racism...Im not racist..I just believe black people decended from a box of cereal.......Coco Pops.


Moving on,was watching the news recently and noticed something about a war in gaza..and i thought to myself..fuckit i was in town the other day and saw that protest..Saw a man holding a pair of shoes in the air..Christ almighty i bet the war is stopped now cas of that,They tryed to infiltrate bushes head with a pair of shoes and that man ducked like a scene from the karate kid. Rumour has it he works out on weights about 7 hours a day,he gets his wife to time him while he balances on his head singing "starlight" by muse..(Who Else Like?:S)

Back to news..Heard recently the lack of people in wheelchairs in ireland is effecting our economy,Seemingly it costs more to build a stairs then it does to build a ramp.So fuck that,im going to get my mother to snap my legs tonight,buy a wheelchair and the recession will be stopped in no time. Gravestones,Hearses,Churches and all that funeral shit is costing the government a fortune..So ive come up with a way to solve it..Fuck Funerals..If you die..You get recycled in the nearest dump..

Sorry for being so morbid this week..Im just in that kind of mood...

For a last few words ide like to congradulate everyone who took part in the special olympics in the past few years,ive realised how much a man with one hand playing golf can do to promote a country...And a girl with half a face playing darts is actualy another way of saying.."our country is fucking great"


Last line for this blog....


MUSE FUCKING ROCK...

Oh and just to be abit serious for a second..Everything i just said is not realy my thoughts on anything,i do this for comedy and entertainment purposes...I realy do like handicap people...


Cya later spasticated handicap downsyndrome fuckers..


Bye


Ma-Hoe-Knee

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Story Of Christmas.

Evening spastics...Currently dieing of "bleeDfrOmEveryWHOleSYNDROME"...Woke up this morning and went to the bathroom to find myself spitting blood like a rampant rabbit searching for a nice mouse to chew.

Christmas went well,Got a new television..but after 2 days of watching it realised it eroded my brain to the size of a cashew nut..Ah well who needs a fucking brain when you have skittles,the everlasting gobstopper and a yawning monk locked in your attic..


Went for a meal with my girlfriend..At the point i realised i was going for a meal i thought to myself was i growing up?Turning into a man perhaps?..I then looked in the mirror and realised i still hadnt got a moustache,nor did i show characteristics of a lawyer or public speaker...making me still a fucking child.
Anyway meal went grand,despite the fact we were both dieing of Hepatitis C..We both chewed on the managers dead daughter for around an hour,then made our way to an ice cream place...I then consumed horse flavoured ice cream.
Good night if you ask me.

Back to christmas..I receieved some cool presents...A black slave named Eskar..Apple flavoured chalk...And a limited edition vinyl of Blue Oyster Cults epic hit "Dont Fear The Reaper".

Kind of sick of town at this stage,been in their too fucking much in the past 2 weeks..Kates leaving to go to the young scientist on wedsnday the big fucking swot..while i sleep in bed,hopefuly bleeding from my nose,drinking lem-sip watching "Ross kemp on gangs"..The episode where he visits,the vatican..And pursues on hope in finding "The Pope Street Killers".

Tommorow ile be attending "Che Part 1"..With Rob-The-Earth And Kieran..Should Be Exciting..Almost As Exciting As The Inagriation of Obama..And the time my aunt got kicked in the face by a horse..R.I.P.

Anyway ile leave yee with this notion...2009 should be good..My resolutions are too give up sweets..And to open my own shop called "Organ Donors"..Where we donate carbon fibre church organs to St Vincent De Paul..

God Bless..2 FACKING DIDDY DOUGHNUTS...WOOP WOOP


Good Night


Ma-Hoe-Knee

Friday, December 12, 2008

Epic Fail

Cul The Sac?...Drive on, just hand me the scissors.

Currently im listening to "The Doors-The End". For those of you who no it, you will no that by listening to it, it makes you want to fucking rot in a pit of dark asian monks,while they straddle your sexual organs and rip the flesh from your fucked up head,while feasting on babys.

Kate(she has no face,so she uses hand signals to communicate with me), Has just shown me a man with 3 legs, Bear in mind kate used her fingers to explain this to me. I then realised she wasnt messing, i saw the picture...an utter mindfuck, men with 3 fuckin legs are fuckin scary, scaryier than zombies, scarier than that man on "Challenge Tv",who shouts out "Ninjaaaaaa Warrriooor",until he realised he should have eaten bran flakes this morning.


On that note, ever hear of the baby born with 3 legs? "What destiny has was a twin that was attached to her, but really only the sort of lower half of that other twin," pediatric surgeon Dr. Daniel Teitelbaum said. Basicaly what Dr Teitelbaum was trying to say is that baby destiny has a baby growing out her asshole, and by the times shes 20 she will have a head between her legs. What if that head between her legs, wants to become a rapper? And gets shot, Im not gonna be the one to ring up tupac and tell him another rapper is on her way up. Tryed to ring him last week but he was out of coverage.

Do ya no who annoys me?Eminem..jesus christ, grand his first album was OK...then he made a movie and i honestly nearly died of a cardiac arrest while watching it, he myswell have trown in indiana jones anal fisting mariah carey in the background.(Inapropriate)_

I want to make sweet sweet love to banksy,that man needs some tender loving care and fuking quickly.

I recently recieved fan mail in the post,and i found it soo flattering..until...well this is what it read.

"Oh ma-hoe-Knee,Your so sexy,so creative..your jokes make me want to touch myself,just want you to feel me all over till i hit anxiety and explode into extacy,you are my everything,i realy want to meet up with you so much..your a genius,and so fuckin hot....love joseph."

Believe me,i was disgusted as much as you are.

However i did reply and asked him where did he learn to write such complimenting messages such as that? He replyed "The postoffice", makes fucking sense doesnt it..


Hooks,I do love a good fucking hook..


Im gonna leave it here tonight, but it wouldnt be me unless i left a quote, so here gos nothing..


"If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result, he must be punished, but he is not to be punished if the slave gets up after a day or two, since the slave is his property."


God Bless

Ma-Hoe-Knee

Cunt...

JESUS CHRIST ALL FUCKING MIGHTY,THE ALIENS...THEIR HERE FOR ME...THEIR OPENING ME UP...WHY THE FUCK DO THEY HAVE BUTTER? WHAT? NOOOOOOOO...FUCK SAKE..........


Wheres the yogurt?


...That is all..

God Bless

Ma-Hoe-Knee